Four Simple Words: My Identity as a Writer…Today

Obsessive- It's hard for me to decide if obsessive or stubborn is the best word here. It probably depends on the day and the activity I am engaged in. But, I do have to admit that I tend to get a bit obsessive about things. Once I decide I want to do something or I am interested in something I have a hard time breaking free of that thing until I feel it has reached its completion. This applies to things like, working out or training for a race--I have frequently become obsessive about how I go about my training if I have the time to dedicate to it. I also will obsess over getting things done when I decide I want to do something whether it is clean the house, do a project, write something, read something or even do something like watching a particular TV show. I will obsess until my obsession over a particular event or activity has reached its end point. I think this can be a very positive thing, but it is also something that I have learned (am learning) must be carefully watched and balanced so it doesn't get out of hand.

Curious- I find that I am an extremely curious person. I am fascinated by many things and this can cause me to be easily distracted at times. One thing I tend to be curious about is people, their lives, interests, how they think, make decisions, and how they spend their days. However, my curiosity doesn't stop there. In fact, it seems my curiosity really has no bounds and extends to any number of topics, but once my curiosity on a particular subject has been piqued I find myself frequently setting out in search of "answers" about that particular subject. One example that seems somewhat silly, but also seems to illustrate one level of my curiosity is a time when I found myself curious about a particular newscaster on TV. I have no idea what sparked the curiosity about her, her life, or how she ended up where she did, but I felt so curious about these things that I spent at least a half an hour looking her up and finding out information about her. This is one tiny example, but it seems to fit this particular characteristic of mine.

Passionate- Somehow this one seems to relate to all the others as well, but I would have to say that I am passionate about the things I do and the people I care about. If I decide I am going to do something, while I might become borderline obsessive over it and I probably got involved because I was curious about it, once I am in I am very passionate about whatever the endeavor is. One area that I see this is probably with teaching. Teaching can be extremely difficult, however, I am so passionate about English and composition that once I get started talking about the different components and how I think it applies in a very real world and personal sense I feel as though I can hardly contain myself. I am passionate about the value of the subject, what I think it can do for people and how relevant I feel like it is regardless of what a persons strengths and interests are in life. I am also passionate about people. I think that I genuinely care about people, especially the ones that I am close too. While I can be extremely independent and isolated at times, once I have invested an interest in a person I cannot imagine my life without them.

Introspective-Somewhere in the midst of being obsessive, curious, and passionate I am also very introspective. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I am doing, the events of my day, and my interactions with others. I will sometimes even internally obsess (what? Imagine that!) over these things in my mind. Curiosity also comes into play here as I often wonder about the events and interactions that have occurred, what their impact was on me and why and how others have been impacted as well. As much as I enjoy interacting with others and frequently feel very passionate while doing so, I also relish my alone time. If I didn't get time by myself I don't know that I would have the same passion for interacting with others. I enjoy being alone with my thoughts and having time to contemplate, consider, and reflect on where I have been and what is coming next.

Dedicated-I find that once I commit to something I am pretty dedicated to whatever it is I am doing. Even if I get to the place where I don't want to do it anymore, somehow, I cannot seem to quit something once I have started. I see this as being a mark of dedication. When I think of the races I have competed in, from 1/2 marathons to triathlons, I think it takes a measure of dedication to train for and then to complete one of these events. I think it takes dedication to do well in school. This is perhaps where I first started to see my dedication in action in a tangible sense. I was always a very dedicated student. I wanted to do well and I thrived on learning, but it wasn't always easy for me so it took dedication to power through the difficult times and come out on the other side. I also think that it takes a measure of dedication to truly have a relationship with another person. Relationships can be a roller coaster, regardless of the type of relationship you are talking about. But, if you have a truly successful, worthwhile relationship then you have to be dedicated to making it work. People are constantly changing and evolving so being willing to experience those changes with them requires that you be dedicated to your investment in that particular relationship.

As I write about these different qualities and try to identify some of my more apparent characteristics I realize how much these different words/characteristics overlap and are related to one another in some capacity. Perhaps this isn't that surprising, but it is interesting to take note of. I expect that each of these qualities not only informs the decisions I make, how I act, or how I respond in a given situation, but they also influence me as a writer.  The fact that I am curious and introspective will surely lead me in search of interesting topics and topics that move me on some internal and personal level. If I don't land on one of these topics easily, it is likely that I will find myself frustrated over this because once I have decided that I want to find something interesting and compelling to reflect on and write about, I will probably become somewhat obsessive in my search for this topic and I will not feel satisfied until I have achieved my goal. This will probably require that I develop some measure of patience in my search. I would also imagine that once I do find a topic that I am compelled by, curious about, and interested in, and once I have had a chance to be introspective about it--taking time away from others thoughts and reactions about this topic and getting a chance to determine what strikes me about it--I will likely become passionately engaged in writing about that topic and exploring it in a way that stretches me and leads me to discovering something about myself, life and the world that I previously hadn't considered. Within this passion I am sure my dedication to gleaning some new insight or understanding through the process of writing about this particular topic will also drive me. On the whole these all sound like very good, positive things. However, I also realize that the potential hiccups with these characteristics, based on previous experience, is that I may become discouraged, temporarily suspended, or in a temporarily static state if things are not going the way I want them to or are not meeting my image on some level. I think this is perhaps the beauty of how these different characteristics will impact and inform my writing; they will challenge me and inspire me. I also hope that each of these characteristics will drive me to develop my ideas more thoroughly and on a more personal level. So much of these characteristics are based on how I personally respond and engage in a particular action that I would imagine they will embed themselves in my style and how I write about a particular topic as well.